90 Days to make a change...

So where I work we have the option of having summers off and 99% of the time i CAN NOT wait to sign my name on that layoff sheet-as i did this year. Every summer I make the statement to myself that "I'm going to take this time and focus on losing weight" does it ever happen?? Why hell nah! But I feel as tho this summer will be different-thanks to my awesome ww fb group! We started a challenge on Monday: we were partnered up and our goals for this week was to simply refocus on the ww plan-track everything that we put into our mouth and to get to know our partner.For once I have truly and wholeheartedly put my all into making ww work for me...my motivation:my partner I refuse to let him down or to be the reason why my team fails! Who knew an online challenge could have such a profound effect on me, but I am def thankful!!
So the next 90 days are mine--to focus on FINALLY losing weight and making a lifestyle change for the better!! I am determined to succeed!! I sooo got this!! :)

The weekend from hell...

Well this past weekend has been one for the record books-def one that i know that i will not forget for the rest of my life! To start a young man was shot and killed at a lil hole in the wall club in my hometown--talk about devastating--never would i have imagined that something like would happen in this small town,but it just goes to show you that it can happen anywhere!! Although i wasnt there it still had a major impact on my life-mainly bc so many people that i love and care about were present when it happened-add to that the fact that come to find out that the coward shot the wrong person-it could have easily been someone that i care about. Talk about scary-heartbreaking-and extremely senseless-it really made me realize even more that I should never take life or anyone in my life for granted.
Add to that-the former pastor of my church-the man that I always thought would be the one to perform my wedding-passed away. His family and mine were very close while they were here and remained close for the longest time after they moved...lol his youngest son had a lil crush on me when we were younger,but at that time i was so not interested in boys-i was all about my dolls lol. Last year I found him on facebook and in October I had a chance to see him while visiting my friend in Chicago-that was the first time i had seen him since i think his brother's wedding prob like 6 yrs ago and let me tell you UM.UM.UM. after hanging with him it really made me realize what i want in a husband. Anywho--i have gotten wayyyy off topic--all that to say this was soo unexpected and added to my heartache.
So I need to really focus on changing my life-so that i can live it to the fullest and without having any regrets. I have yet to fully embrace the WW lifestyle-so im not reaping the full benefits and that is just unacceptable! I always see these transformations shows-people on twitter-or in the ww fb group that i am a part-have amazing results and for a brief time i get this wave of uhh idk-motivation i guess-maybe inspiration is a better word and then BAM as quick as it comes it leaves. I think part of the problem is that I weigh in on Thursday and then the wknd is here and i lose my mind and then i feel like i only monday-wed to get some results-the scale shows it-true there have been weeks where i may lose over a lb but most of the time its less than a lb. I lack consistency and thats what i need to focus on!

Who Knew...

Who knew to lose weight all you had to do was run 2miles in under 30 minutes 6 days a wk-eat less and drink water-Only water nothing else! This is what the dr i went to see today told me-lol-if only it was as simple as that-i mean as big as i am do u really think that i can RUN 2miles in under 30 minutes? Hell do u think i can run 2 miles period?! Too funny..really--ok sure eventually i may get to that point but i know my body and there is no way at this weight i can do that--I'm doing good to run for 2 minutes and to me that is fn accomplishment! But anyway! Kinda rubbed me the wrong way and str8 pissed me off!
On to my WW meeting---big ass sigh!!! Don't even want to talk about it really! I am totally failing and feel like i am on the verge of quitting...trying to lose weight and failing at it truly sucks! I admit I haven't put in 100% effort so why should i expect 100% results? Honestly I don't--I do expect not to be juggling the same 5lbs for months on end....I need to just stop all tha negative thoughts in my head-focus on what i want to achieve-put in the necessary work to achieve it-and plan-plan-plan!!! Lawd why does losing weight have to be so daunting??!! Oh and take my brother hasn't tried to lose weight but the lbs just seem to dropping off his ass-i tell ya men make me sick with that ish! I need to get on JHud and totally and completely commit to following ww to tha T--hey it worked for her why not me?? I've lost weight before and felt great so i know that it is possible-I just have to commit to it! So that's my goal for the next week to follow ww to tha T and see what kind of results i get next Thursday at my weigh in!

Pcos...

Interesting article in may/june issue of ww!

1 lb gain....a journey

In my fb ww's group the question was asked "I use to think that....." Well I don't really have an answer for that question yet, but I was reading the responses and this one I loved so much I'm staking claim to it as my new (and only lol) motivational quote!  "A gain was the end of the road... now I know its just a part of the journey." I know for me a gain means 1. What I'm doing is not working-its not going to work so jus throw in the towel....well that's what it use to mean! I absolutely love all of the people in that group...I can honestly say that had I not joined and had some amazing support I would've quit ww and trying to lose weight prob a week after starting! Support is a key element while trying to lose weight! I'm so very thankful for mine!!

Lawd.Lawd.Lawd....

Today was my first(and almost wish I could say only lol) workout session with Josh. When I first got there he said I looked like I was nervous...well hell yea I'm nervous-scared-terrified-ok maybe terrified is taking it a lil too far,but you get what I'm saying!
Well he made me feel really comfortable and at ease-he said he wasn't going to kill me,but he lied! He did kill me lol...he killed me dead! Interval training is what he called it,but I call it torture-almost toooo much for this big girl to handle! I pushed thru the jello legs and spaghetti arms as best I could-there were a few times I prob could've cussed his ass and asked him did he forget between Fri and today that I was a big girl,but I didn't.
All in all it was def a GOOD workout! I'm laying across my bed still trying to recover-praying that when I go to get up my legs don't give way! Lol...
Today def makes me want stay on the right path as far as my eating goes bc I put in WAYYY too much work to blow it!
Below you will see exactly what all I did today minus that last crazy exercise...

Was It All A Dream??

So yesterday I woke up and asked myself-"Did I really sign up for WW's 5k?" "Did I really sign up for 2 hour long workout sessions to get my ass whopped?". I asked myself "what in the hell were you thinking?" Talk about a butt-load of self doubt coming into my mind-Like there is no way you are going to be able to finish a 5k-look at how big you are-do you really think you are going to be able to run any of it? Girl get real-you are totally gonna suck! But I'm doing what Monique told me to "kick that heffa in the chest" lol...I can and will accomplish everything I set out to do! I'm not going to stop at 2 sessions with a personal trainer, but I plan on doing 1-2 a wk at least until my 5k and if money allows until the beginning of July when I plan on going to Chicago. I'm finally starting to get excited about the changes I am going to start seeing in not only my body and how I look at myself!

Weigh In Day!

Well much to my surprise today at my ww meeting--I had actually lost 2.4lbs! I am soo happy and I think this loss is just what I needed to get my ass focused and on tha good foot!
I also just registered for the Walk-It Challenge 5K----O.M.G. I truly can not believe I just did that ,but I did so that means i def have to start training...lawd.lawd.lawd.....I am so nervous about it and its still a good 5 wks away! Nothing like a goal to get and keep you motivated to stay on the straight and narrow! Also-I've decided to get myself a personal trainer to help me reach my goals! I figure maybe if I do a half session and one full session a week or a half one week and then the next week a full session just maybe I will be on the path to achieving my goals~Pray for me!! :)

Weak and Lazy...

That's why I continue to fail at losing weight! I am too lazy to get my butt up and go to the gym consistently...too lazy to meal plan like I knw I should...too lazy to commit and follow thru with what I've started and too weak to continue to always have a fear of failure. But what am I really failing at if I never give it 100% effort? I do know that I am failing at having the life I've always imagined I would. For so long I've used pcos as a crutch as to why I'm not losing weight, but I know better than that bc I have lost weight in the past! Omg...I just need for it to really click in my mind as to why I am doing this....my health and my future-I know losing weight "can" ultimately help me achieve what I want most in this world!

Walk it challenge...

This is my goal...I want that 5k charm...granted I'll have to go to atl to participate in an official ww walk it challenge, but that's fine with me! I have family there that I know will support me...so I guess the next thing to do is register and make it official!

Will it ever CLICK????

Will following the WW plan ever jus f'ing click for me??? When will get truly and utterly sick of my being FAT???!!! I know what I want but I am doing NOTHING to make the moves to get it! That is crazy and really pathetic if I do say so myself!!! THAT IS ALL!!!

My horoscope....

Now I don't necessarily "believe" n all this horoscope stuff but there are times when what it says applies to my life so unbelievably and today's is kinda like that. Now I'm looking at this from the aspect of me trying to lose weight.
Gemini Apr 9 2011 You may have to endure an unpleasant person or situation today if you are to reach a place that is ripe with opportunities and happy experiences. You may hesitate to move forward, though, because you don't want to deal with the negative aspect of this journey. But if you keep your eye on the prize, and you imagine how wonderful the attainment of the goal will be - not to mention all of the perks that go with it - you will find it easier to face your challenges. Just take it a moment at a time, and you'll be fine. -- Copyright (c) DailyHoroscope. Download it now -- http://bit.ly/DHmobile

Feeling blah...

So after an encouraging weigh in on Thursday-I've yet to really fully dive into getn back on track! Sometimes I wonder wtf is wrong with me! I mean this is something that not only do I want but I NEED,but yet I find it so very difficult to commit to this process....omg crazy...Jus crazy! I'm smart enuff to knw tht if I don't put tha work I will never get to where I want to be! So I'm Jus n a BLAH kinda mood....

It's a New Day!

It's a new day--the WW "slogan" i guess you would call it. And thats exactly what today is for me-after much debate about whether or not to go to my ww meeting today and then whether or not to weigh in-i did both! Much to my surprise i stayed the same-didnt gain and didnt lose and im way happy with that bc i was totally expecting a 2-3lb weight gain! IT'S A NEW DAY!!! A new beginning...with all aspects of my life! I'm deteremined to focus on myself and my happiness!

One Day at a Time!!

One day at a time-is what a friend of mine told me about my relationship issues i am going thru. This statement can refer to just about anything-weight loss,trying to find a job,or dealing with a broken relationship. It seems easy enough but taking it one day at time is sometimes harder than one may think-especially when it comes to weight loss! I wish there was just a quick fix or a magic wand to make me be at a healthy weight, but i know that is just too good to be true! I know that it is going to take hard work, dedication, and motivation. Too many times i let "Life" get in the way of making my dream to be healthy a reality. I have one bad day and instead of shaking it off-one bad day turns into 2 days then a week and by tha time I'm ready to start yet again-more than likely its been at least a month! When i try to see myself how I want to be-that negativity sets in and tells me "There is no way you're going to lose all that weight! You are going to be fat forever!!" How's that for internal dialogue! Way to encourage yourself-right?!! I know in order to make life changes i have to change my internal dialogue! One day at a time......

The End of a Relationship....

Well...this has been one hell of a week! I ended my almost 3 yr relationship with my boyfriend-so needless to say i havent exactly been on plan this week! Im hoping once i truly come to terms with it all that i can really start focusing on myself! So i will most likely go to my ww meeting 2moro-i sure wont b weighing in tho! That is all.....

~Words of Wisdom from my Pastor~

Today at church my pastor~Rev.Summers~was talking to us about being highly favored and how for him it's the smallest things that really stand out to him--and he was giving us an example of going out to eat and the owner(or chef) was pretty much doing it up for him~he said that he had done well with eating because he is trying to watch his figure(lol) but he still wanted something sweet but was trying to refrain--but they guy was like u know u want some cake! I know I'm dragging on and on but in the end the man brought the cake out-Rev ate a bite and took the rest home to his family...and at the closing of this story he said "It's my decision to live above my appetite." and told us to make the decision to live about your appetite!!! I know at times i def let my appetite take control of my life. I know I have to start putting myself first-bc i am worth the effort i am trying to put into making my life better and healthier!

Willpower!

As I sit @ work drinking a sprite while  writing all I've eaten today in my new 3 month tracker...I came across this tip "Only you have the power to take charge of what goes into your body.Have the willpower to say no." I def should have had the willpower earlier to resist the urge to buy 3 cookies from subway and from eating said cookies! I should've had the willpower to not put my money into the vending machine @ work not once or twice but 3 times!! Willpower most of tha time is a foreign concept to me! Willpower will be my undoing during this journey if I let it!! I can not let willpower decide how my journey will go!

Weigh in day

Today's weigh in went ok-i was down a lb! Kinda hard to get too excited about one lil ol pound,but considering tha circumstances I'll take it! While @ my WW meeting I bought one of those 3 month tracker books-i thk having something like that will help me actually write down what I'm eating. Also there was this lady there that had lost over 100 lbs...so if that's not some motivation or encouragement Idk what is! Not to mention tha ladies in the fb WW group I'm a part of have been doin an awesome job!!! So with success all around me I def don't wanna b left behind!!

Being Prepared

So i know for me the key to my success is going to be being prepared! I went  to the grocery store bought all the foods i needed for the recipes i was going to be preparing for the week--big accomplishment for me! Not only that but i have decided that i am going to start prepping some of the foods tonight so that there will be no excuses for me not to eat healthy! I know what i will be eating for breakfast-snacks while at work-lunch while at work-the only thing that will be my biggest problem area will be after work! Once i get off of work i am def famished and usually grab the first thing that looks good to me and most of the time its not the healthiest of choices. After work eating will be what i focus on most this week! 
Its weird-im already setting myself up for disappointment at the scale on thursday! Self doubting my ability to actually do what i set forward to do.....lose weight! I already have my excuses/reasonings laid out....pcos being first on the list as always! I am so sick of letting this disease determine how my life will play out! I have given it control over everything--ok will not so much given but it has taken control over everything! OMG...it gets so depressing at times-but then i TRY to think about all my "cystas" that are doing it-especially Val-she is my biggest inspiration! So on that note i vow to give it all i can--i think about what JHud's ww leader told her-"To follow ww to the T for one week" and look at all she has accomplished! I know there are a lot of people that say "Oh she has the money for chefs-personal trainers-etc" which is true BUT if she wasnt commited to doing ww she wouldnt have succeeded!

Motivation

Today on ww's fb page it said "motivation is what gets u started.Habit is what keeps u going." Habit is where I'm trying to fight my way to!

My first ever blog post!!!

Wow! I really don't even know where to start! This is my first ever blog and i am hoping that it will give me that extra accountability i need to stay focused on this journey!
I just recently joined WW...again! On a previous time i did very well on ww lost some weight looked and felt great then it happened-what always happens-i fell off! I don't know why i always sabotage myself but i do! I'm hoping that this blog will help me keep my focus!
Thanks for taking the time to read! My next post will be better :)!