90 Days to make a change...

So where I work we have the option of having summers off and 99% of the time i CAN NOT wait to sign my name on that layoff sheet-as i did this year. Every summer I make the statement to myself that "I'm going to take this time and focus on losing weight" does it ever happen?? Why hell nah! But I feel as tho this summer will be different-thanks to my awesome ww fb group! We started a challenge on Monday: we were partnered up and our goals for this week was to simply refocus on the ww plan-track everything that we put into our mouth and to get to know our partner.For once I have truly and wholeheartedly put my all into making ww work for me...my motivation:my partner I refuse to let him down or to be the reason why my team fails! Who knew an online challenge could have such a profound effect on me, but I am def thankful!!
So the next 90 days are mine--to focus on FINALLY losing weight and making a lifestyle change for the better!! I am determined to succeed!! I sooo got this!! :)

The weekend from hell...

Well this past weekend has been one for the record books-def one that i know that i will not forget for the rest of my life! To start a young man was shot and killed at a lil hole in the wall club in my hometown--talk about devastating--never would i have imagined that something like would happen in this small town,but it just goes to show you that it can happen anywhere!! Although i wasnt there it still had a major impact on my life-mainly bc so many people that i love and care about were present when it happened-add to that the fact that come to find out that the coward shot the wrong person-it could have easily been someone that i care about. Talk about scary-heartbreaking-and extremely senseless-it really made me realize even more that I should never take life or anyone in my life for granted.
Add to that-the former pastor of my church-the man that I always thought would be the one to perform my wedding-passed away. His family and mine were very close while they were here and remained close for the longest time after they moved...lol his youngest son had a lil crush on me when we were younger,but at that time i was so not interested in boys-i was all about my dolls lol. Last year I found him on facebook and in October I had a chance to see him while visiting my friend in Chicago-that was the first time i had seen him since i think his brother's wedding prob like 6 yrs ago and let me tell you UM.UM.UM. after hanging with him it really made me realize what i want in a husband. Anywho--i have gotten wayyyy off topic--all that to say this was soo unexpected and added to my heartache.
So I need to really focus on changing my life-so that i can live it to the fullest and without having any regrets. I have yet to fully embrace the WW lifestyle-so im not reaping the full benefits and that is just unacceptable! I always see these transformations shows-people on twitter-or in the ww fb group that i am a part-have amazing results and for a brief time i get this wave of uhh idk-motivation i guess-maybe inspiration is a better word and then BAM as quick as it comes it leaves. I think part of the problem is that I weigh in on Thursday and then the wknd is here and i lose my mind and then i feel like i only monday-wed to get some results-the scale shows it-true there have been weeks where i may lose over a lb but most of the time its less than a lb. I lack consistency and thats what i need to focus on!

Who Knew...

Who knew to lose weight all you had to do was run 2miles in under 30 minutes 6 days a wk-eat less and drink water-Only water nothing else! This is what the dr i went to see today told me-lol-if only it was as simple as that-i mean as big as i am do u really think that i can RUN 2miles in under 30 minutes? Hell do u think i can run 2 miles period?! Too funny..really--ok sure eventually i may get to that point but i know my body and there is no way at this weight i can do that--I'm doing good to run for 2 minutes and to me that is fn accomplishment! But anyway! Kinda rubbed me the wrong way and str8 pissed me off!
On to my WW meeting---big ass sigh!!! Don't even want to talk about it really! I am totally failing and feel like i am on the verge of quitting...trying to lose weight and failing at it truly sucks! I admit I haven't put in 100% effort so why should i expect 100% results? Honestly I don't--I do expect not to be juggling the same 5lbs for months on end....I need to just stop all tha negative thoughts in my head-focus on what i want to achieve-put in the necessary work to achieve it-and plan-plan-plan!!! Lawd why does losing weight have to be so daunting??!! Oh and take my brother hasn't tried to lose weight but the lbs just seem to dropping off his ass-i tell ya men make me sick with that ish! I need to get on JHud and totally and completely commit to following ww to tha T--hey it worked for her why not me?? I've lost weight before and felt great so i know that it is possible-I just have to commit to it! So that's my goal for the next week to follow ww to tha T and see what kind of results i get next Thursday at my weigh in!

Pcos...

Interesting article in may/june issue of ww!

1 lb gain....a journey

In my fb ww's group the question was asked "I use to think that....." Well I don't really have an answer for that question yet, but I was reading the responses and this one I loved so much I'm staking claim to it as my new (and only lol) motivational quote!  "A gain was the end of the road... now I know its just a part of the journey." I know for me a gain means 1. What I'm doing is not working-its not going to work so jus throw in the towel....well that's what it use to mean! I absolutely love all of the people in that group...I can honestly say that had I not joined and had some amazing support I would've quit ww and trying to lose weight prob a week after starting! Support is a key element while trying to lose weight! I'm so very thankful for mine!!

Lawd.Lawd.Lawd....

Today was my first(and almost wish I could say only lol) workout session with Josh. When I first got there he said I looked like I was nervous...well hell yea I'm nervous-scared-terrified-ok maybe terrified is taking it a lil too far,but you get what I'm saying!
Well he made me feel really comfortable and at ease-he said he wasn't going to kill me,but he lied! He did kill me lol...he killed me dead! Interval training is what he called it,but I call it torture-almost toooo much for this big girl to handle! I pushed thru the jello legs and spaghetti arms as best I could-there were a few times I prob could've cussed his ass and asked him did he forget between Fri and today that I was a big girl,but I didn't.
All in all it was def a GOOD workout! I'm laying across my bed still trying to recover-praying that when I go to get up my legs don't give way! Lol...
Today def makes me want stay on the right path as far as my eating goes bc I put in WAYYY too much work to blow it!
Below you will see exactly what all I did today minus that last crazy exercise...

Was It All A Dream??

So yesterday I woke up and asked myself-"Did I really sign up for WW's 5k?" "Did I really sign up for 2 hour long workout sessions to get my ass whopped?". I asked myself "what in the hell were you thinking?" Talk about a butt-load of self doubt coming into my mind-Like there is no way you are going to be able to finish a 5k-look at how big you are-do you really think you are going to be able to run any of it? Girl get real-you are totally gonna suck! But I'm doing what Monique told me to "kick that heffa in the chest" lol...I can and will accomplish everything I set out to do! I'm not going to stop at 2 sessions with a personal trainer, but I plan on doing 1-2 a wk at least until my 5k and if money allows until the beginning of July when I plan on going to Chicago. I'm finally starting to get excited about the changes I am going to start seeing in not only my body and how I look at myself!